How Would You Sell a Cow

Swedish Milking Cow Face - photo by ChuckScott.com Okay, no bull – if you were an entrepreneurial farmer, how would you go about selling your cows?

Perhaps the clues to entrepreneurship can be found in the DNA of our respective birth nations – read below and let me know 8)

Traditional Capitalism

* You have two cows.

* You sell one and buy a bull.

* Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.

* You sell them and retire to greener pastures.

American Capitalism

* You have two cows.
Westport Flags Blowing Across the Saugatuck River in Westport Connecticut - Photographed by ChuckScott.com 2005
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Chinese Capitalism

* You have two cows.

* You have 300 people milking them.

* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, arrest and detain (without trial) the journalist who reported the number of cows.

Egyptian Capitalism

* You have one cow.

* You keep telling people you have ten.

French Capitalism

* You have two cows.

* You go on strike because you want three cows.

Swedish Milking Cows - Photo by Chuck Scott - is06-23-19

Italian Capitalism

* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

* You break for lunch, toasting to the warm sun and gentle breezes.

Lebanese Capitalism

* You have no cows.

* The Syrians have one cow.

* You convince them to sell the cow to the Kuwaitis with a 50% profit.

* The Syrians are satisfied with the 50% they made.

* The Kuwaitis are happy because you arranged a good deal for them.

* Your commission is worth TEN cows.

New Zealand Capitalism

* You have two cows.

* That one on the left is kinda cute.
Baby Star Noses Up to the Bar for a Wiff of et al. - Photo by Chuck Scott

Russian Capitalism

* You have two cows.

* You count them and learn you have five cows.

* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Saudi Capitalism

* You buy one thousand cows.

* There is no grass, just sand.

* You buy European grass for them.

* You hire one foreigner to milk them and 100 Saudis to watch him.

* The milk costs you 500% more.

* You call it WATANI (homeland produce) and sell it in the local market.

Swiss Capitalism

* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.

* You charge an outrageous fee to others for storing them.

* You wonder how the holes gotta associated with your cheese.

ChuckingIt Capitalism – Part A

* You have two cows and a pasture you enjoy.

* One of the cows starts a wireless internet service in your pasture.

* The other cow becomes a goodwill ambassador.

* Pretty soon, all the cows are connected and happily influencing the dairy industry for better milking conditions, natural fertilizers, lower fences, and inspiring the rest of the world to honor the cow lineage akin to respected levels held by most of India's residents and/or others who share Ghandi's bovine sensibilities 🙂

* And so the milk churns for greener pastures et al.

ChuckingIt Capitalism – Part B

* Shifting climates and polluted environments inspire above-ground hydroponic farming.

* Cattlemen follow the money and wrestle-up record hydroponic farming profits.

* Disney hydroponic specialists become high-paid in-demand speakers at growing conferences.

* Beef Industry Merges with Hydroponic Growers Association Intl.

* Mad Cow, Bird Flu, Chicken Whatever, give-way to hydroponic growth markets winning consumers and investors alike.

* Country Fair Bovine Stars outplace those at Academy of Awards, Grammys, Oscars, Tonys, etc – mooo!

And finally, Hollywood Capitalism

* You have two Celebrity Cows

* You hire Peter Jackson, give him a half a Billion $ budget to make a blockbuster, A Tale of Two Cows

* After a year of shooting in New Zealand, AToTC doesn’t test well with audiences so you spend 18 months doing Special Effects work at ILM to create CG Cows.

* The Cows do a lot of press junkets, Leno/Letterman and the Daily Show, etc.

* The movies bombs at the box office, but rakes in DVD sales, especially in India where they love Cows. Indian iTunes download mirrors crash under the load.

* You break even, but the Cows sign a $200M contract for the sequel.

Gallery of Photos in this Post:

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